Imagine this, Magic players: you’re General Tazri of Zendikar. Your long struggle against the Eldrazi has ended. You’ve got all of Zendikar Resurgent. It must be time for a Party!
But not just any party. Sure, you want to invite your Clerics, and your Wizards, and some Rogues and Warriors. Maybe a Changeling or two. But not just any old creatures. We’re looking for some Legends. Heck, let’s make it Legends only.
Any real Party needs some music. We’re going to have to get a Band. We’re going all the way back to the old days to find the means to make a Band. I mean, since we’ve got all these Legends coming to the Party, let’s make them form the Band. Let’s see who can make the most epic Party Band, and take down all of our opponents.
For all of this, a General Tazri just won’t do. We need a Specific Tazri, and who could be more perfect than Tazri, Beacon of Unity to bring our Legendary Party Band together.
Here’s the set list:
The Legendary Party Band
We send every potential Legend a Letter of Acceptance, send the best to Bard Class, and the rest to Base Camp. One of them will seize the Baton of Morale, and give us the Rite of Harmony and the Calming Verse we all need.
Like any actual top 40, our roster of Legends changes a lot. Some work less well with the Band, and some are too much of a solo act. This deck tries out a lot of Legends, and some day might achieve perfect pitch, but until then, taking this deck out on the road is the only way to be sure.
We’ve got a few cards to help our Legends out. We’ve got the five perfect venues for forming a Band: the Adventurers’ Guildhouse, the Cathedral of Serra, the Mountain Stronghold, the Seafarer’s Quay and the Unholy Citadel. By the Whim of Volrath, they’re all dives.
We’ve got a slew of other Legendary venues, including Urborg, Tomb of Yawgmoth and Yavimaya, Cradle of Growth to turn our dives into hot tickets. We’ve got the perilous staircase to our recording studio, the Dungeon Descent, and the Tyrite Sanctum, to turn our Legends into gods.
We’re hoping there won’t be anything like the Genesis Ultimatum that led to Phil Collins going solo, but we are guaranteed to play Avacyn’s Memorial later this year. There may even be a surprise appearance by Kaldra if he can get himself together in time.
Thanks for reading!
